A New Year, A Time to Reflect, Recommit

This January, as Americans everywhere are making plans for changes they want to make in their lives, I will be celebrating ten years of being in independent counseling practice in McMinnville, Oregon.  Ten years ago I was pregnant with my first child, dreaming of what our life might be like with a new baby and how I might still be able to do some of the work that had given me meaning over the previous ten years as a social worker.  As a beneficiary of feminist work in our country, I was determined to "do it all."  Indeed, I have had the privilege of great support from family and friends and have been lucky to  to establish my own counseling practice and to meet some of Yamhill County's residents.  It has been a decade full of the rich opportunity to connect with clients as they seek to improve their lives and relationships in ways meaningful to them.  I am honored by the opportunity to continue working closely with individuals and families as they identify how they want to change over time.  My re-envisioned goal for 2015 is to help clients build their capacity for wellness so that they may thrive. I believe that our contemporary lives have lost some of the essential components of wellness.  We are seeing all-time high rates of medication use for depression, anxiety, sleeplessness an chronic pain.  My therapeutic work is about joining the power of connection between people with the essential awareness of the present moment to create and experience that enlarges a client's sense of what is possible.  In 2015, I'll be folding in more of the natural world to help clients increase emotional grounding and peace as well as promote physical health and wellness.  I'll invite more clients to walk in nature, to sit under the stars for their session or to brush Willy, our friendly Apaloosa.  There is no denying our deep connection to nature and so I will use it to help my clients come back to themselves at their most aware and powerful. 
If you, like me, are wishing to make a change in your life in some way, perhaps starting with noticing the tiny (or large) part yourself that knows that you would be happier with that change.  Perhaps you will choose to give life to that part, like planting a tiny seed, you'll nurture that little insight with a sprinkle of compassion and hope.  Is there one small thing you can do today to honor that little insight and turn it into action toward change?  It is my hope for you that you will believe in that part of you that yearns to do something better, and that you will act on it.  Here are five tips to help you nurture that tiny sprout: 1) Visualize the difference.  Our brains benefit from any time we spend imagining the way we want ourselves to be.  Instead of telling yourself to stop nagging your child, play the film in your head of you talking calmly to your child, leaning down slowly to get to his level and surprising him (and yourself!) with a gentle smile.  2) Step-by-step.  Break your hopelessly large desires-to-change into small steps so that you can manage a small pro-action each day.  If you want to get more active, make an appointment to fix your bike, or take a short walk.    3) Awareness without judgment.  Pay attention to yourself. If you notice that as you take your bike to be fixed you feel organized, allow yourself to really feel that, expanding that fleeting thought into a 45 second experience.  If you don't take as long of a walk as you wanted to, busy yourself in not judging by paying attention to how it actually feels to walk, rather than assessing the outcome.    4) Effort and Self-Compassion.  If you notice that you are overeating in the late afternoon, don't beat yourself up, and make a plan for that difficult time of day.  If you are beating yourself up, for goodness sake, notice that and introduce another voice that is kinder and less brutal.  (No child ever thrived from an adult berating her, so use what you already know to support your efforts.) The kind voice is a good beginning.  Also recognize that your desired change requires time and, likely sweat equity.  You are going to mess up doing the hard work to change, so plan on it and give yourself some forgiveness along the way.  My husband reminds us that it's OK to make mistakes, just try to make new ones as you keep working instead of the same old ones!  5) Cultivate Support.  Think of the one or two people who comfort and/or inspire you, and use their energy to help you keep up any good work.  Steer clear of those who suck your life force, you'll gain more momentum by being around positivity!  If you don't readily think of someone who can support you, seek professional help.  We counselors are trained to be the person running alongside you reminding you of all the fabulous strengths you've already shown and troubleshooting the inevitable pot holes and rocks in the road.  Change takes time and effort, and I wish for you that you make a bit of it happen in 2015!